Why can’t I reach my goals?

Peter Laws is a published novelist of several creepy crime fiction books, journalist, podcaster and ordained minister.  He was so desperate to get published, he felt he became quite obsessed with it. He was driven by a sense of excitement and fun, “hope and creativity”, although, at times, working from a “place of weakness and insecurity.” He felt he had this goal of being published and on the other side of that goal; where success was, there harmony would lie.

Peter still thinks it is absolutely great getting and being published, but, of course that brings with it “another level of hopes and fears”.  Which is fine, if we can keep those within the context of everything else that we value.

Here is why ‘that’ kind of goal should not be your primary concern.

I have never been a particular fan of the word goals - too many sport connotations for me - not that there is anything wrong with sport or the endeavour it fosters.  However, the goals are just short term and over in a moment.  Most goals scored will not result in lasting glory.  It’s a shrewd measure - did this thing happen at this particular time in this particular way in order to qualify as a success.  I am not watering success down here; there are certain things that must be done and complied with in most cases if you want to be successful but if you are always working towards a narrowly defined goal, your chances of missing are high.

What then?

It is worth taking some time thinking about who you are and what you really value; avoid the ‘values’ imposed on you by ancient voices from childhood; or modern voices in the media that are everywhere - particularly all those images that form part of our daily diet.  For example, my Dad told me “I’ll know you’ll have made it when you turn up in a Bentley”.  At that point, not only did I realise I would always disappoint him; I would never crave tasteless cars.

It is more productive and meaningful to know what you value.  These are things that are really motivating to you; these are the ethos behind the goals.  So, once you realise these core values, you are able to consider your actions or plans and think - is that helpful?

Try this:

Write down 5-8 people who you really admire or are impressed by; it could be friends, teachers, industry experts, celebrities, sports people, artists, authors or even fictional characters.  Perhaps fictional characters is a particularly good one for writers!    Think of the qualities that these people have - mindmap or list them - what do they have e.g. kindness, creativity, gentleness, compassion.  There is a downloadable worksheet to go with this exercise on the worksheets page.

Once you are aware of your values, you can start to appreciate your intrinsic value - what you have to offer.  If your activities match up with your values, your days should start to feel like they make sense.  If you do something that doesn’t quite fit with a ‘goal’, think of the value behind it - was the behaviour helpful?  Yes, walk on.  No?  Change your path to walk in line with your values again.  You will know who you are.

This may take some investigation; for example, if you decide that one of your values is authenticity; this takes some thinking about - what is really genuine to you.

If you decide that creativity is important; you might want to spend some time thinking about how to bring more creativity into your life in a way that is meaningful and works for you.  It might be that you really do have a longing to paint, draw, dance - spend some time investigating how you might do that in a way that works for you.

Peter Laws stays true to his values, not letting himself slack off as a writer, “one of the ways I try to keep myself mentally ‘healthy and buoyant’ is to remember that being an author is not what makes me valuable to the world. It’s just a task, like working on a shopping till or fitting a kitchen. Those tasks have a beauty in them, and so does being paid to write books…but you’re just as vital and valuable as you ever were, whether you get published or not.”

Ask yourself, is it helpful?

There are many things that are important in your life; if you look at your schedule for this week - or, if you don’t have one yet - perhaps make one.  Make it to serve your values.  That way, if you move from that path, you can ask yourself the question ‘is this helpful’?  If it is, you may have just taken the road less travelled and be moving in a different direction.  If it is not, you can gently retrace your steps and get back on the direction that you have chosen.